Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Ciarán Hinds is not often cast as a politician. According to the collective judgment of casting directors, he most resembles a spy, a cop, a priest, a mad scientist, a villain/dodgy fellow, or a devil. (Lately, he’s been cast more and more as a sympathetic, silver-bearded paternal figure as well. A GILF, if you will.) Actually if you wrap all those together, you might end up with a politician, though he would have to be clean-shaven. (Have you ever noticed that? How pols can’t have facial hair?). The one big political role that Hinds had was Bud Hammond, the Clinton-like former US President in Political Animals. He was a dodgy yet charming horn-dog with shrewd political instincts and a corn-pone Southern accent.

As Bud Hammond, with Sigourney Weaver in the “Hillary” role.

Politics being what it is in the US right now, the Twitterverse is alight with West Wing casting suggestions for Mr. Hinds, and I can only be thankful that these do not include our current POTUS, he of the orange spray-tan, toddler tantrums, and massive girth. Seneca wrote a satire of the Emperor Claudius in which that head of state was “deified” (actually transformed into a pumpkin) and blasted to heaven by the power of his own flatulence. It seems to me that this is a movie begging to be made. And what role does the vox populi assign to Mr. H.?

How about Donald Trump’s personal attorney, radio show host and Trinity Broadcast network guest Jay Sekulow? Or how about NOT???

Mr. H. did attend law school in Belfast, but by his own account, he was gently advised to seek a different career path.

No, no, a thousand times no. If Jay were to take up acting, I think he’d be cast immediately as a funeral director. Or even more likely, as the stiff.

Accept no substitutes.

My least favorite choice for a CH role is Trump’s strategist and “alt-right” conspiracy theory promoter, Steve Bannon. 

The most CH-like photo I could find, from Bannon’s pre Whitehouse days. The one thing the two may have in common is a tendency to only shave when absolutely necessary. And compared to Sekulow, Bannon’s at least got some juice in him.

CH as “Tommy Bannon,” enemy of the Deep State…

If I had to choose a role for Mr. H. in the Trump White House, it would probably be Secretary of State, as Seth B wrote in this tweet. Tillerson, a Texan and an Eagle Scout, rose to be the CEO of Exxon before becoming SoS.

I wouldn’t say there’s a striking resemblance, but there’s a look of gravitas. Or maybe it’s just quiet desperation.

“Dear Mr. Tillerson: Please visit the Seven Kingdoms. I hear you are good at making Greenhouse Gasses and this world could use a little global warming. But don’t worry about building a Wall. We already have one. Sincerely yours, Mance Rayder.”

For maximum drama, of course, we’d want Mr. H. to play straight-arrow G-Man and former FBI Director James Comey, who begged the Attorney General not to leave him in a room alone with the President. It’s as though he thought he was going to be dressed as a chick and shut in a room with horny octopus Bud Hammond. The irony of course is that Toby Earle chose a picture of Bud Hammond as Comey’s Doppelgänger.

Lordy, lordy, let it be called “Dinner For Two”! I think Ciarán will make Comey a little less Church Lady and a lot more kick-ass.

Another Comey casting recommendation. Tim Robbins? What did I say about CHURCH LADY???

“You say there might be tapes? Well, ISN’T THAT SPECIAL.”

While we’re on the subject of Trumpian bêtes noires, I’ll bring in this comment from Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. The viewer thought that Ciarán Hinds (playing the devil) was a “George Soros lookalike” and “quite believable” in the role.

Soros is a well-known philanthropist and donor to progressive causes and Democratic candidates.

A genial Soros and Roarke, the devil figure in GRSV. Maybe George looked like Roarke on election day? I know I did.

People on both ends of the political spectrum love to invoke the spectre of Adolf Hitler. The tweets below are commenting on a magazine that showed what Hitler might look like in today’s facial hair. I’ll let this one speak for itself.

No comment… except that I think they’re both wearing eyeliner…

Here’s a final political observation:

Hmm, I wonder if any stand-in jobs will be available around the time of the next midterm election?

Now let’s run through the roster of old standbys, the people who constantly get compared to or mistaken for Ciarán Hinds:

Stephen Fry. Check.

I love them both. But it’s only a trick of the light!!!

A bit of Fry for comparison.

Alan Rickman. Check.

“Ciaran Hinds and Alan Rickman could be cousins”

Whaddya think? They are not that much alike. And yet there’s something–maybe the intensity, the sexual charisma?

King Varian. Check. (At least, this is the second one I’ve documented.)

Nope, Paul, it’s not just you.

The rugged good looks of…KING VARIAN!!

King Veryen Tysing.

R. Lee Ermey. Check (also the second time I’ve seen this).

Why oh why do people google “Brendan Gleeson nude” and get directed to my website? (For that matter, why do they google “Brendan Gleeson nude”?)

Compare F-bomb artist Quinn, from McCanick, with Lee Ermey as Hartman in Full Metal Jacket. Both specialize in cussing out subordinates. Male dominance hierarchies are endlessly interesting–to males.

John Hamm. Check.

Who is the most adorably professorial? Now, you don’t have to choose! But in Ciarán’s favor, I must point out that he did lecture on Malinowski’s “The Sexual Life of Savages.”

Nathaniel Parker. Check.

You and a lot of other folks, Anna.

Nathaniel Parker in 2015 and a stage door photo of Mr. H. from The Crucible, 2016.

Muppets. Check.

Usually he gets compared to Sam the Eagle, but this time it’s the auldfellas! Ouch!

And now for the new actor comparisons. We have an unusually rich and creamy batch of suggestions this time.

Flaco Pailós is an Argentine comedian.

“In the new Hitman, Ciaran Hinds is a double of Flaco Pailós.”

Flaco in a serious moment… what do you think?

Then there’s Brazilian actor Raul Cortez:

I didn’t really see the resemblance in this pair of photos, but…

What about this? Maybe it’s time for Himself to play a Latin role, and I don’t mean Caesar. Sorry, Glenda. (CH photo from the 2016 short film The Hope Rooms.)

Here’s my own casting suggestion: a little Magical Realism and an author CH admires, Gabriel García Márquez.

And to continue relentlessly with the Spanish theme, Javier Bardem is next on my list. Apparently he’s the villain in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film.

Ehhm, not the most flattering comparison…

But Bardem’s haircut in No Country For Old Men is MUCH scarier.

No está como un queso!

Ciarán, I think you got off easy with the minimal prosthetics in Ghost Rider! Although that eye thing looks very uncomfortable.

John Travolta looks like Ciarán Hinds? Really?

“Dr. Mr. Hinds: Please do not sign on to any movie with the title Valley Of Violence. Best wishes, Linnet. P.S.: Valley Of The Dolls is OK.”

No. Travolta is hard to recognize in this role, but they look nothing alike (CH photo from the TV series Shetland).

In the Junior Hinds category, we have these entries for your consideration:

Could Richard Lynch be Himself’s baby brother?

Welsh actor Richard Lynch (not to be confused with the American of the same name).

Does a pair of spectacles bring out the resemblance? (Richard at the National Theatre, Ciarán in Titanic Town.)

Yet another Spanish/Latino actor, Alberto Ammann, who played a drug dealer in the TV series Narcos.

Does the guy on the left look like Hinds?

Young Ciarán was never so baby-faced. But if you ask me, Alberto has a major Clive Owen vibe…

The final Junior entry is Matthew Beard (The Imitation Game) who is set to play a younger version of Mr. H.’s character in the upcoming film Elizabeth Harvest

That lean, angular look is closer to the mark…

And now we come to my favorites, the really idiosyncratic and creative suggestions. Plus a familiar blunder.

Maurice Duruflé was a French composer and organist, a traditionalist who loved Gregorian chants and hated jazz.

Duruflé spent most of his life in Paris and died in 1986.

What do you think? A resemblance in the eyes and nose, perhaps? That soulful look?

This next one could be my all-time favorite, Egyptologist Howard Carter. I really want to see Mr. H. play an archaeologist now.

Brilliant suggestion, Sarah! And yes, there is a striking resemblance.

The closest he has come to an archaeologist role was the villain Jonathan Reiss in Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life. But Reiss was actually another of his many mad scientist roles.

I’ve never seen Himself compared to Oscar Wilde before, but I suppose it had to happen. (NB: alleged twin Stephen Fry played Wilde in a biopic.)

Good news, Ciarán! You’re not the “ugly twin.” Oscar got the brains and you got the beauty LOL…

A pleasing Wilde/Fry meme, and that other tall, dark, Irish, artistic fella. Wilde, a brilliant poet, novelist and playwright, once quipped, “The play was a great success, but the audience was a disaster.”

While we’re on the subject of writers, here’s a quirky entry, inspired by Ciarán’s look in Bleed For This.

Mr. H. would not be an obvious choice to play gonzo journalist, drug fiend and gun fetishist Hunter S. Thompson (in fact he was played by Johnny Depp in the adaptation of Thompson’s brilliant Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas). But here’s the thing:

Have I made my point?

Now for the blunder of the week:

Odessa, Ciarán Hinds is NOT in Peaky Blinders (more’s the pity). Now who could you be thinking of, an actor with an Irish name, arresting eyes and razor sharp cheekbones???

Just a little confusion with Cillian Murphy, sure.

I’ll leave you with a couple of odds and ends I saw on Twitter:

Heh, heh. I just thought about him a few minutes ago.

Me too, David.

Jim would have to be Oscar. That means Ciarán gets to be neatnik Felix, a role made famous by Tony Randall. (Photo: Broadway World.)

If the shoe fits…