It recently came to my attention that some men avoid drinking white wines because they think it’s effeminate. Gentlemen, I am here to set you straight.

First of all, a manly man is a confident man. It doesn’t occur to a manly man to worry about whether his drink reflects on his manhood. He could drink a Shirley Temple at a children’s birthday party and still be utterly and completely masculine.

In fact, a man’s willingness to drink whites, or Shirley Temples for that matter, shows that he’s confident and manly. Conversely, being fussy enough to refuse white wine makes him seem the very opposite of manly. Are you following my logic here?

Secondly, a man who foregoes the pleasure of white wines out of anxiety about his manhood gives the impression that he’s, um, not that interested in pleasure. Or in exploring that which may be unfamiliar but pleasurable. This is the kind of man who doesn’t want the woman to be on top, either figuratively or literally.

Men whose lady friends love white wines would do well to share a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc with them on a regular basis. They might find that it brings out the sauvage in the lady. Take for example this note from a female wine blogger:

Ronnie and I share a real passion for the white wines of Northern Italy and while I have several that drive me wild from Friuli, Collio and Alto Adige, it is this Sauvignon Blanc, (Just called Sauvignon there) that makes my heart pound away in my chest.

Thirdly, whom are we trying to impress here? Women, or other men? Women will think it’s fantastic if you drink a white. Men might not, but tell me. Is your main goal to display to other men how utterly masculine you are? If it is, that’s fine, but you should probably be on a date with a man. Now, if your main goal is to display to women how utterly sexy you are, drink a white.

Fourth. What would Cary Grant do if offered a glass of Chardonnay? He would accept it, swirl it in the glass, take an appreciative sniff, taste it, and say to his female companion, “Hmmm, this is very buttery and creamy in the mouth. Delicious. And the finish is excellent. Long and strong, with plenty of staying power. Would you like to sample it, my dear?” By which point his female companion would be unable to consider anything other than the question “How soon can we leave?”

Fifth. What Would Bond Do? Recall that Bond’s favorite cocktail is not composed of dark, full-bodied liquors like scotch or bourbon. No, it’s a gin martini. And his second favorite, the one he invented in Casino Royale, is the Vesper, made with gin, vodka and Lillet Blanc, a white wine aperitif. Bond is a man who drinks plenty of champagne. He knows how to enjoy a white wine.

Sixth. Men who are truly interested in wine and in pleasure drink the wine that best complements the food they’re eating. So remember: red wine is an abomination with 90% of cheeses.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

Related articles:

Thanks to the Wanksters for sticking up for white wines!

• White wine is for girls . . . (thewinewankers.com.au)