In ancient Rome, a man who bombed at getting girls into bed was called an exclusus amator: a shut-out lover. I’m here to tell you how you can become this loser’s exact opposite: the man who gets in every time. Skeptical? Try these tips and watch the girls open up to you. On this tour through the hidden recesses of the female psyche, I shall be your intrepid guide. Call me Inclusus Amator.
— Amator’s Art of Seduction: Bagging the Parnell Girl.
My colleague, Inclusus Amator, asked me to give you some practical advice this week on how to attract girls. First of all, if you don’t have facial hair, consider a stubbly look or a mustache and goatee. Research shows that women find men with facial hair more masculine and sexy. Second, lose the cologne. Most brands don’t work. Let your natural pheromones play their role. With American girls, bathe daily but don’t use deodorant. With European girls, you can skip a bath and give them the smell of the jungle. Finally, you should walk with your legs slightly apart, like you’ve got a significant weight between them. Once I started doing this, I noticed a major spike in the amount of attention I got from girls.
—Gaius, contributor to Amator’s Art of Seduction
To: Inclusus Amator
Subject: Gaius a danger to himself and others
As a Parnell woman who has read your website with interest, I have to point out that whereas your own advice is usually right on, Gaius seems like an idiot. Facial hair may be attractive on the right man, but it’s annoying during lovemaking. The sexiest smell on a man to me is Ivory soap, certainly not B.O. And if I see a man walking with his legs apart, I suspect he is recovering from the mumps. Yours truly, Cloelia
From: Inclusus Amator
Subject: My Kind of Girl
Cloelia, there is nothing I like better than feedback from girls. Feel free to write any time. I stand by Gaius’ advice about cologne and deodorant, unless a man is working out or it’s a hot day. His recommendation for daily bathing is reinforced by your liking for the scent of soap. Not boasting facial hair myself at the moment, I am delighted that you prefer a clean-shaven lover; in fact, I spent a pleasant few minutes imagining the basis for your preference. As for the walk, be kind. Some of us can’t help it if we’re well endowed. –Amator
In my book The Libertine Belles, an unlikely epistolary romance develops between Amator, the Ovid-like dispenser of advice on seduction, and Cloelia, an independent-minded Latin student. Each has suspicions about the other’s true identity… but would meeting in person ruin the chemistry?
The Libertine Belles is available FREE on Amazon Kindle from Nov. 2 through Nov. 6. Enjoy! (NB I have been told by European friends that the free promotions don’t always work for them. If not, it’ll only set you back 99 cents.)